Use it like a pool cue!
June 28th, 2006 by sarah
Apparently, the spam waiting for me when I got to work this morning thought that was high on my list of goals. And thus, the tone for the morning is set…
And really, there’s not much I can blog about this morning. I generally try not to tell tales and name names without the consent of the people involved, especially when it’s heavy stuff- and I’m not about to send out a mass email saying “Hey, guys, can I blog about this?” Because, well, I can’t. And that’s the answer, even without asking it.
So, how to vent without actually venting? Sounds like it’s time for:
20 Things.
You know the drill. 20 statements, about whomever or whatever, with no names named. And I’ll never, ever tell you who’s what, so don’t bother asking.
1. Thank you for being my sounding board. I don’t what I’d do without your input.
2. Seriously? It’s a lost cause. I don’t think you have the time or energy what you want to do would require, and I don’t expect it- but the gesture is terribly appreciated.
3. I really want to work on this whole friendship thing. It’s great to find out you have a secret ally, and I’d like to build on that.
4. You’re a wonder to observe. I didn’t realize that “delusional” could go to such levels.
5. If I end up committed? It’s all because of you, I swear. I’m about 2 seconds from Dial-a-Hitman.
6. I’ve gone this far always secure in the knowledge that, when the cards fell, you’d always have my back. I don’t know about that anymore, and the uncertainty is making me falter. I feel like I misplaced an arm or something.
7. I’m amazed that you grew a backbone, but I’m happy to see it. You should speak up more- you’re good at it.
8. I know you’ve got your own thing going on, and I can’t be a part of that, but I’d still like to be a part of you. We’re doing that thing we swore we’d never do, and we need to work on getting it back together.
9. You should work on not abusing the people who care about you. If you don’t, one day they’re not gonna be around anymore.
10. I’m not sure who’s saving who here. And I’m not sure if I care about those details.
11. I know you want me to rely on you to make it all better, but I can’t. You’ve dissapointed me too many times already, and that hurts.
12. One of these days, the harsh reality that I’m not perfect is going to really mess you up, and I’m sorry for that, but I tried to warn you.
13. I made my apologies, I seemed sincere… but really, I wasn’t. I was happy for a valid opportunity to get away.
14. I could fix you in about 3 minutes. I could, and so could the other people who actually care… but that’s your battle, not ours.
15. You, on the other hand… I’m not sure there’s any fixing you.
16. I want you back in my life. This “every once in awhile” thing doesn’t work for me, and I know I haven’t been trying lately, either. I’d say something, but I think I’m much less important to you than you are to me, and I don’t want to deal with that.
17. You need to relax and just be you. If you do that, all that other stuff you want will happen in time, I think.
18. I know I’m never going to make you happy, and the sense of peace I have since I figured that out? It’s the best feeling ever.
19. How the hell did I end up being a responsible adult in this situation? Where are all the grownups? Shit…. we are the grownups. Damn.
20. I only keep you at an arm’s length because I have to. It’s a matter of self preservation, not anything personal.
***
And that’s all you get from me today. This whole work thing is cramping my style.
Dial - a - hitman….can I get that number? I might have use for those services.
I love those 20 statements, it is so wonderful and freeing. I may have to do that again.
Deep breaths. Deep breaths.
And - buy a watermelon. Eat it ice cold. Seriously. I had the most delicious watermelon this week, and I can eat all I can stand and feel no guilt whatsoever (because, I mean, it’s water and has practically NO guilt-laden caloric content) and it made me happy every time I ate it. Just because it’s summer and I can.
No, I have not completely gone off my rocker.
Thought you were going to tell her to throw it, but eating it is so much better.
Hang in there Sarah, better times are coming!
I wonder about dial-a-hitman every time i leave town, that little billboard right there heading out of town towards benton . . .
if the first half of the watermelon doesn’t do it, spike the second half.
wish i could help, but all i can think to say is, damn, i wish i’d been half as good at being a grown up as you are when i was your age. you’ve got it.