Bedroom etiquette 101
November 10th, 2006 by sarah
At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires.
— Lazarus Long (Robert A. Heinlein)
Not having the actual context to work with, I can’t turn this into a literary blog. Pity that- it would have been easier than what is likely to become a treatise on sexual philosophy- and my own sexual philosophy at that.
(oh, yeah. 3 paragraphs deleted, and we haven’t even gotten started yet.)
I loved this quote when I first read it. Said in a Mae West voice, with the right attitude, it seemed like a cheeky quip- what the blonde bombshell would toss off to the Senator’s wife in the powder room of the ritziest hotel in town. But then, with the challenge and the examination it requires to do it right- I’ve got to say, I’m not digging it now.
I am having bigger issues than I should with the use of the word ‘dignity’. I have a big, big problem in my brain with equating that kind of lovin’ that leaves you panting for air and reaching for the ice water with being undignified. Choose the adjective of your choice- sultry, seductive, trampy, whorish, slutty, and downright dirty- none of those things are, in and of themselves, without dignity. It’s all in how you do it.
Now, in a secluded environment, where it’s just you and your partner- or hell, even you and a roomfull of whomever else you choose to include- what’s so undignified about enjoying yourself to your fullest extent with other(s) who enjoy the same?
I feel like the indication here is that good sex is something that’s to be ashamed of. I guess my feminist education in college is coming out like Sara’s is- my response to that notion is a loud and resounding “f**k that!” While I feel it is improper to share the details in just about any setting, that doesn’t mean it’s something to be ashamed of- it’s just something that is to be kept somewhat quiet, and cherished. Much like that secret recipe for Grandmother’s potato rolls- a girl has to keep a few secrets to herself, and guard who she shares them with. That’s a concept we all get, right?
So, with my little rant about poor word selection out of the way, I have to say that I admire the general suggestion of the quote. The public persona- the one that checks itself before it speaks, the one that never speaks too loud or the one that always sits with its’ ankles crossed- has no business whatsoever in the bedroom. But if your dignity is part of you- as I believe it should be- then shucking it with the garters and bra? Sister, you’ve got problems.
We all play different roles throughout our lives, hell, even throughout our days. And sure, different parts of our personalities and general being are likely to come out more at different times, and that’s fine. But if you feel like a part of you has to be shut in the closet so another can come out? That smacks a bit of trying to be something you’re not, and of being unhealthy at the least.
Thx - I couldn’t put my finger on precisely what bothered me about that quote - but you explained the very thing that was making me uneasy.
I wanted to participate in the quote challenge last week but time got away from me and I could never wrap my muind fully around the quote. You stated it very well. I at first thought wow when I read the quote then it started to get to me. I guess it was the loss of dignity that really bothered me, I will never shuck that. My clothes maybe but not my dignity. I may be different in public than I am in private and I may be more sexual some times than others but I will always be a lady and have my dignity.