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Every time I’ve been the one to pick the quote, I have been under the misunderstanding that I was picking something SUPER easy, and then I sit down to write about it and I figure out that I’ve gone and shot myself in the foot. This is hard- but hard is good. Hard was the point of this whole game, right? Right. That’s what I thought.

Kat linked to a Wiki-How on “How to Be a Lady” in her discussion, so I gave it a read. You know, it’s got the basics down, but I’d feel nothing but sympathy for any woman who endeavored to aspire to lady-dom with only the tutelage of a web-link or a manual or even a full collection of every Audrey Hepburn film ever taped. Without the inspiration and guidance of flesh-and-blood role models, I’d think one would come out perfect on the surface with enough polish and practice, but they’d be missing out on the perfectly imperfect nuances that take a woman from “Oh, see that nice lady on the corner” to “I have GOT to introduce you to my friend. She is such an amazing lady.”

“The best way to learn to be a lady is to see how other ladies do it.” –Mae West

It is probably a unique experience to grow up knowing that your mother took what many would call a pretty scary brave leap of faith just because it felt right, and then spent the subsequent years starting underground Christian Study groups at the risk of extremely unpleasant consequences if one were caught, and to live out your formative years under the impression that that’s perfectly normal and that’s what anybody would do. My mom was downright stoic when it came to her convictions, her beliefs, and her children, but she was poised, graceful, and gentle as well and loved a good dirty joke told in the right company. From her I discerned, in a nutshell, that it is possible to maintain your countenance without taking yourself too seriously- because those that you influence will take you more than seriously enough when it matters. I probably could’ve done just fine if that had remained my sole idea of what being a lady is all about, but as I’ve grown older and grown up, I’ve been blessed to have my horizons expanded beyond even that stellar example.

As an adult, I’ve figured out that part of the reason why I never had really close female friends as a younger person was because they just didn’t measure up to my feminine ideal, as set forth by my mom. I had the girl next door that I played with as a child, and as we became teenagers we did buddy up when we needed a girl around, but really… we weren’t close, we were convenient. There was That Girl that I thought was a good friend, but her fondness for sleeping with my boyfriends kind of scuttled that. I had Mary, of course… but Mary was just as much of a ‘boy’ as I was, so she totally didn’t count. Bottom line is, I have always had a lot of female acquaintances and a lot of masculine friends, and I have always had a very low tolerance for typical “chick bullshit”.

Now that I’m older, I feel like I have mastered the art of selecting female friends, my tribe of sisters and co-conspirators and ladies-in-arms who are typically above the mess of being stereotypical backbiting broads, and in joining with women who subconsciously remind me of my mom, I’ve done a very good job of setting myself up with the absolutely best examples of “How to be a Lady” that an aspiring one could hope for.

Well, first, there’s my Sabine- she’s got the poise, the tact, and the grace that that article up there referenced. She’s also got the singularly most wicked sense of humor I’ve ever met, and when she laughs, she doesn’t hold back, not even a little bit, and it’s one of the greatest pieces of music in the world. Sure, when I need to remember the protocol for something difficult, like mixed families at weddings or seating arrangements at a dinner party, Sabine is unquestionably my girl… but if I need to know how to short-sheet a bed, hotwire a Dodge, or get to Mexico in the next 2 hours… she’s still my girl. Diversity. Ladies are definitely diverse.

Then there’s my EvilSara, who I’ve gotten to watch grow from a really awesome college freshmen with high morality and a fondness for Tiki Bowls into a stunning corporate diva with high fashion sense and a fondness for fine wines. She is the prime example of fierce loyalty. I’ve told that girl things I wouldn’t tell my priest and she’s never judged me, not even when I was judging myself plenty for both of us. I strongly suspect that if I called her and told her my evening got out of hand and I was going to need a carpet cleaner, a shovel, and a few boxes of trash bags pronto, she’d STILL be on my side, no questions asked. I’m not going to accuse her of having tact because she’d call me on it, but she has style, she is never, ever, even just a tiny bit timid when it comes to her convictions, and she can tell when forgiveness would be divine and when it would just be stupid- and actually stick by that call for the long-term.

I’m pretty sure OriginalSara thought she was going to get out of being called out, since she’s such a humble lady, but the way that she combines her humility with her confidence in her talents is something that I wish I could bottle and keep for myself. Seriously- have you SEEN the things this woman creates? The only thing better than seeing what she can do is eating what she can do. She is, possibly, the singularly most talented human I know when it comes to artistic prowess, and she accepts compliments and praise with a sweet smile, a slight nod, and no excuses, whatsoever. No “Oh, this old thing?” and no “Oh, it was nothing”… she owns her talent, but her talent doesn’t own her. Even more than that- she is so giving with her own praise that it just makes you feel GOOD to be around her. Just a few short days ago she looked at me and said “I have never loved you more than I do right this minute” and it was sincere. It was genuine (it was also inspired, but it was, no doubt, genuine). There are few things in the world I hate more than false praise just for the sake of saying words, and this woman may just be why. It’s so easy to spot once you’ve had the real thing.

I could keep going for weeks. Seriously, all of the women that I hold dear, they are, in their own way, walking testaments on how to not only be a lady, but how to be the kind of lady that all ladies should want to be when they grow up. Bri can hold her line and not be a bitch about it, even when that might be the easy thing to do. Becca’s got the “good with children and bad parents” line down, even when it has gotten to the point that most of us would be killin’ somebody. Bridget is the most patient, sweet girl I’ve ever known, and she manages to be both meek and amazingly strong all in one swoop. Stephanie knows how to make other people feel good about themselves just by the way that she smiles at them with no words necessary at all, and Mouse… oh, sweet sweet Mouse is possibly one of the best true examples of a lady that there is because she owns exactly who she is, she fills her space, she loves herself wholly, and she makes NO apologies for who and what she is, ever. And…. oh, lord, I’m just gonna stop now. You get it… and I’m pretty sure “rambling for ages” is not a lady-like quality.

So now that I’ve made it through my essay-turned-love fest, I’ve got to say- now I kind of disagree with Ms. West about her little statement up there. “Seeing how other ladies do it” is not the best way to learn to be a lady. I’m pretty convinced now that it’s the only way.

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