beerwithastraw.com

See, here’s the thing.

I had a fantastic weekend. It was really pleasant, and as I headed home this evening to hang out with my dad, who had made it into town to stay for a day or 20, I was really happy and calm and peaceful. I had to make a quick stop at the pet store for chewy toys… but that was ok.

And the worst freaking decision I’ve made in quite a while.

So I’m looking at chewy bones and debating the virtues of bacon vs. peanut butter when I spotted this guy out of the corner of my eye. I started down the aisle but was caught- and it was a leery and gross “How are you?” or something to that effect.

Last time, I faked along with the conversation, even though I’m pretty sure I managed to sound like a coke fiend while I did it. This time I squared up my shoulders and looked him level in the eye and said (again, something to the effect of) “Look, we’re not friends. I wish you no malice, but I’d really prefer it if, in the event we run into one another, we could pretend we didn’t know one another, because we don’t, and I don’t want to.” And it was true. He doesn’t know me. He remembers some 15 year old me, not this me, and this me? Has no desire whatsoever to play “Where are They Now” with him, at all. Ya’ll that know me know I only have two people firmly on my list of “go fall off a cliff, plz” and I hope nobody ever manages to trump him on that list.

Anyhow- it didn’t work. Instead of a polite “very well then” or “fine” or even just turning and walking away— things that might have managed to convince me that I should’ve been nicer because people can change- I got my decision cleanly validated for me. It was mean. It was loud. It was profane and obscene and I’m not going to repeat a word of it, not here or anywhere else. Sabine got the lowdown, and retelling it once was enough. I will say, though, that Petsmart employs angels, and one of them swiftly intercepted, took me to the register, checked me out, walked me to my truck, locked my door, and waited for me to get out of the parking lot before he went back in, and managed to do it all without making me feel worse than I already did. That kid was freaking amazing, but I’m still feeling very assaulted and sick to my stomach and bruisey.

Sabine calmed me down. My dad distracted me. The last quarter of the Superbowl entertained me, and the Budweiser commercial with the cow absolutely elevated me (I love those damn commercials). I’m ok, I think, or I will be anyway- but it still needed to get out, so you guys get it raw if this girl is gonna manage to sleep tonight.

You read the entire works of T.H. White
And I never asked you any questions
and you looked just like a movie queen last night
so I didn’t mind the extra waiting
but you beat my arms with your slashing tongue
and it was no fun for me in fact
it was black, jet black and jealous

And you stalk me, slinking catlike on the prowl
I shrug and pretend that I can’t hear you
And you hold your breath until I ask you how
And then how you stand to shoot back in my face
You lick your fingers and you wipe your eyes
And your smears and streaks and stains
They’re black, jet black and jealous.

There’s a blind rage building you can’t control
You suck in hot air that comes out cold
And you’re building a cage that surrounds your soul
And pulls you down, deeper down
Down, down, deeper down

And the people making love inside your head
They have no life except for what you give them
They’re laughing, dancing, falling into bed
Sickened by the scent of your suspicion
You cut yourself in the wee wee hours
And you don’t bleed red instead
It’s black, jet black and jealous
It’s black, jet black and jealous
It’s black, jet black and jealous

–Jet Black and Jealous, Paul Sanchez

And now… it’s time for a bubble bath.

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